Indian parents are disastrous at parenting

 

Before I start, I want my self to be very clear that, I am not against Indian parents or any community. It is just what I have saw & experienced personally .it is a vast topic to be covered, So I will try to be more brief but detailed.

"EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON UPBRINGING "- LEO TOLSTOY

 

In this blog I am going to talk about what’s wrong with Indian parenting.

 

1.        Does not input necessary moral values.

2.        Obedient or Amenable.

3.        Seed of “Violence”.

4.        Non-Appreciative.

5.        Demoralising.

6.        Narcissist.

7.       “Granting” them freedom.

8.         Annoyingly reminding of their sacrifices.

9.         Comparison.

10.            Emotional persuasion.

11.            Mistrusting.

 

"THE GOLDEN RULE OF PARENTING ALWAYS SHOW YOUR CHILDREN THE KIND PERSON YOU WANT THEM TO BE."- ELIZABETH ROXAS

1.  Does not input necessary moral values.

I know many of you will be wondering that I am crazy, because Indian parents always try to teach their children values like touching feet of an elder one & their deity, to speak politely, obey every command of an elder, never to misbehave with anyone etc.

Believe me , I agree with some of the above values, but these are not the necessary values they should give , as they know we live in a highly competitive  world , a society which is more materialistic than ever before .We cannot have a blind eye towards the world and think that the child will learn all by himself or need not to be aware of its devil side .

Here are some few tips or values you must inculcate in your kid.

i.                TO DO NAMASTE! (I SALUTE THE GOD IN YOU).

ii.              DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SELF RESPECT AND EGO.

iii.            LOGICAL REASONING AND RATIONAL THINKING.

iv.            And many more….

I will write a separate blog about values to inculcate in a child.

 

i.                TO DO NAMASTE! (I SALUTE THE GOD IN YOU).

It is better to do namaste rather than forcefully & against the will of the child to make them bow in front of a complete stranger, or a person whom they hate or feel uncomfortable with. {P.S.: - I am not against respect or hospitality, but forcing someone to do something is wrong}.

ii.              DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SELF RESPECT AND EGO.

In many Indian family a person is never taught the difference between self-respect & ego. Sometimes they are not even taught to have a self-respect stating it as “ego”, I doubt even our parents know it or not.

iii.            LOGICAL REASONING AND RATIONAL THINKING.

Many times, we have been asked in our houses, that “how you can be so rude? From where did you learn to misbehave? how can you be so arrogant, to not listen us? definitely it’s your friends bad influence.” By our parents.

I m not saying that they are always wrong, sometimes friends are really a bad influence. But not always. When a child is born till the

age of 15 Parents create the character of the kid. They influence

 their kids the most than anyone, at this range of age kids are more vulnerable & easier to get influenced.

If you have taught your kid to get influenced, obey or   You have used manipulative skills towards your kid to get something done. Then the damage is already done.

 

 

 

Instead of forcing your kid to do something or just giving them order. you must tell them “why”.

 

I. why should they “do or do not” do anything?

II. why they should “listen to or not to” someone?

 

Still   if your kid does not understand, you must try harder because this will make him more reasonable and person who will question everything and everyone before doing something and believe me this value will make him more human than anyone around him. because humans are supposed to use their brains which in most cases they don't. They act according to their mood, order, peer pressure etc.

 if they follow this simple step of asking question on every step believe me, they will be more successful and happier in their life.

 There are many values you can give to your child and I will be writing a blog about that in few days.

 

"TEENAGERS ARE THE MOST MISUNDERSTOOD PEOPLE ON THE EARTH.TREATED LIKE A CHILDREN , BUT EXPECTED TO ACT  LIKE AN ADULT".-ANONYMOUS

2.   obedient and amenable.

 

As I have already mentioned teaching a kid to be obedient or amenable is like pushing him from a cliff because it will make him less creative and more dependent on others. A kid must be taught to think logically and rationally before doing anything.

 

"YOU CANNOT EXPECT TO RAISE CHILDREN TO BE CALM AND GENTLE IF YOU ARE NOT'.-ANONYMOUS

3.   Seed of “violence”.

 

A kid or a new born baby is always like A fresh page which is unspoiled or fully blank, with our day to day activities around the baby we fill him with worldly things or with our words in it.

  When a mother or father fight in front of a kid irrespective of age of the kid, he feels a sense of discontent and sadness. When a father or a mother slap or throw things on each other or worst tried to kill each other in front of their kid just for a misunderstanding or   any issue, it is wrong to do so.

 because now your kid has learnt that when someone argues with you continuously, and not understanding you OR hurtled you verbally or not listening to you, he thinks he has the right to beat up someone for it.

 

4.   Non appreciative.

 

 This is a mistake which have destroyed many children dreams and careers. Indian parents generally are non-appreciative for their children every choice they make like ok desired career, Desire partner sometimes even for clothes or places to visit etc. make the relationship even badly.

 in fact, in many cases the child starts to doubt on himself, become underconfident and get into depression.

 because he is always a kid who has been told what to do, he is totally dependent on others.

 

5. Demoralizing.

 

 Well it is not true for every Indian parents, but some cases are there which I have personally experienced or saw that a father demoralising a kid who is trying hard to get good marks in SSC examination.( I know some of you might think that it's a reverse psychology he is using but it was not definitely ).By stating that “ you are an average Scorer  and just like your mother you will never do anything noteworthy in your life, still if you are trying I just want you to know that you will lose because you are a big loser.” I have quoted this person exact words.

 

6. Narcissist.

 

 I don't know what problem does they have when it come up to them to own up for their mistakes? They will try to defend themselves by saying” we are parents we never do mistakes”,” we cannot be wrong”,” we do what's good for you”. 

this kind of attitude develops their kids into egoistic person or irresponsible or a completely depressed person. 

because either he will never own up a responsibility of his own actions or decisions or either he will think that he is responsible for everything (i.e. egoistic or depressed).

 

7.” Granting” them freedom

 

 Many Indian parents think that they have” granted” freedom to their kids and they can take it away. They forget the basic thing that every child is born free and they must take care he or she must die free.  they must inculcate values to the child to utilise his freedom efficiently and constructively, but they do totally opposite or just Nag that they have given us the freedom so we should do something for them in return. (I mean are you my parents who loves me unconditionally?  or are you a trader?)

 

8.  Annoyingly reminding of their “sacrifices”

 

 I am not saying that they don't do sacrifices for us. but educating as bringing gift for not pursuing their Desire career path for us cannot be considered as sacrifices. Because having  was your choice  and you know that a child is a responsibility you cannot blame on say that because of” you “we are facing problems” ”because of you we decided to do this or do that” ( grow up guys, the kid didn't even existed when you made up your mind to have him ) or ( did you even planned to have a child) ( did you even think even for a second that what will be your life after having a child?  what will be the child's life after coming into this world and what responsibility will he bring for you? what should be your expectations with him? how we will manage his expenses? what will it do to your life or what will you do with his life?) If you have to think about this questions if you have think for a second of having the child and taking up the responsibility responsibly then I don't think so you will call it is sacrifice in fact you will take it with pleasure and you will adore at least admire the parenting rather than regretting each and every day that you did sacrifice for a child you never wanted or never planned (I don't think you  never wanted it) but I will say you never planned for it, so before blaming the child you must ask yourself these  above questions. 

 

9. Comparison

 

 You all will relate to this one. All have been compared, when we have scored less marks, failed or lose in a game, to someone who has done better than us. whether it be a neighbour kid, cousin, your siblings, sometimes our parents compare themselves and US.

 I mean can’t you let him breath for a moment.  can't you be more creative to come up with ideas to make him more progressive. just let the kids spend the whole day alone or if he is sad talked to him politely and make sure you don't give him any advice.  just listen to him even if he is making no sense or is making an excuse because if you start to listen, he will start to speak and when he will start to speak, he will definitely sooner or later tell you the truth. By just listening to him, you are creating a sense of comfort for him & he will realise that you are there for him, even he in is bad time. He will always try to make you happy from then onwards ,he will try not to disappoint his best friend ,he will share each and everything what he have done in that day what is trying to do ?what is planning on to do? what are his feelings? whom did he love ? the hate? the anger?. yes, it is possible it will be your best friend. it is as simple as that. listen period.

 

10.  Emotional persuasion

 

 Almost everybody has faced the situation in our life where our parents emotionally try to persuade us for something we don't agree upon. sometimes it just ruins our life.

  they try to emotionally persuade us for things which can be disastrous to us like marrying a person which we don't know, pursuing a career which we don't want, etc.  this is how they take the very important decisions of his or her life and then Put the Blame On them for not doing better in the career or not having compatibility with the partner, not working hard in the job they don't even choose etc.

 emotional Persuasion many times destroys a child mind completely because he or she thinks that there is no way that they can convince his parents against their will and if he will go against the will of his parents, he will hurt them seriously and that may can cause a health risk for them.

 

11. Mistrusting

 

 As our beloved parents, know we can be emotionally persuaded, manipulated because they have also done it so. they think that we are incapable of handling a practical difficult situation or someone might take advantage of US, just like that!

 but the only thing they forget that the reason we got emotionally persuade because we love them. This mistrusting is not because of the children cannot grew confidence in parents for them. it is because parents know  that the children are innocent and they have taken the advantage of the innocence of the children rather than having a rational discussion with them and trying to solve any problem, trying to understand them and make them understand somethings, which would have been a better decisions to grow their confidence in to their children's and themselves also for the children.

 

  guys I am not here trying to say that parents are responsible for   every bad thing happening in their children's life, but the must try to make him a better person who can make a better choice than them too.

guys I know I am may have missed some points. you can add a comment to tell me what I have missed.

 believe me guys this blog is just what I felt, experienced and saw. I am not saying that Indian parents are bad, is just they need to take serious responsibility before conceiving a child or otherwise after conceiving it.  because a child's life is not for your fun or just a special sperm from whom you have illogical expectations, which could have been in a toilet but no now the Sperm and ovary mixture is your life's biggest Expectations fulfilment source. please think twice before conceiving the child.

parenting is a greater responsibility than you can imagine.

 

 please whoever is reading this try to understand this blog and please don't get offended!!

 

 I will be back with more blogs.